The key ingredient to make this iPad app awesome is a special converter consisting of:

1) a 1/8″ Dual Mono Jack to 1/8″ Stereo Plug Y-Adapter, plus

2) two 1/8″ Stereo Jack to 1/8″ Mono Plug Adapters

The nice thing about the one we carry is it’s a 6in cable that won’t put stress on your iPad headphone jack, as might another janky version you might find at “the Shack”. It turns a 3.5mm stereo jack into a left tip and right ring mono end. Then you insert the mono 3.5mm plugs to convert it back into two channels for headphone monitoring and playback. For a  measly $14.99 you’ll be rockin in style with the entire converter, even though (let’s be honest) you’re just going to play Sandstorm all night. Your pappy might say he hasn’t seen modules like this since the Gemini Moon Program.

Some might compare this type of cable find to when Perseus finds Pegasus in the forest in the movie Clash of the Titans (1981 version only).  People who would do so are known as “winners”.

Hey, elves and trolls, can you feel it? the Holiday season is in full swing. We had a (Cha)badass Hannukah and Christmas is right around the corner. Still not too late to pick up some holiday items, as white elephant and secret Santa parties are still raging hard. The thing is, what to get? Don’t worry, you young scrooges, for we have the answer: GIFT CARDS. Some would say, oh, they’re impersonal; we think that’s what rules about them. With a gift card, you can get whatever you want! It’s like giving a genie in a bottle! The only restriction is, that its only usable at whatever establishment you purchased it….JUST LIKE THE MONEY PRINTED BY THE CONFEDERATE STATES DURING THE CIVIL WAR! Yes, along with whatever their heart desires, you give the lucky recipient a chance to experience firsthand an important lesson from American history. Even Charles Dickens would have to agree that that’s the TRUE meaning of Christmas*

So, a gift card, it is. The next tricky part is deciding where to get one from. What shops truly sell something for everyone? Turns out there are lots of great shops in Williamsburg, so no need to go to stinky old Manhattan. Best thing to do is compare some local shops side-by-side, to see who has the goods. Obviously, we’re a little biased towards Mikey’s Hookup, so that’s a definite contender. The only fair way to select the others was to draw names from a hat. So, we put all of Williamsburg’s shops’ and businesses’ names into an empty bucket and drew 3 at random. There was one unforseen problem: almost all businesses in Williamsburg are now Duane Reades. There are over 40 that have opened in 2010. First the one on Kent. Then the one across from King’s Pharmacy. Then they opened one across from the one on Kent. Then they put a DR kiosk inside King’s Pharmacy. Then came the fleet of Duane Reade Mobile van-stores on Bedford. The Mini-Mall is now 7 Duane Reades. A Starbucks that was set to open in the Bagel Store’s location got snapped up and is now going to become a Duane Reade. Finally, a few existing Duane Reades were gutted and turned into 2-3 smaller Duane Reades each. According to a sign, Duane Reade’s Hookup should be opening in Duanes on the Waterfront (formerly Tops on the Waterfront)’s location early 2011. So, basically, your holiday gift card options are Mikey’s Hookup or Duane Reade.

So, how do they stack up? Duane Reade mostly sells medicine. DOWNER. Also, think about who goes there: SICK PEOPLE. GERMS. Mikey’s Hookup sells all the Apple gear, pro audio and video gear, and tech odds and ends that people really want and need to ENJOY a creative life. Duane Reade sells a selection of candies and panty hose, but they don’t let you play any sports there. Mikey’s Hookup has a ping-pong table that customers can enjoy while they shop, and NO linoleum tiling. Duane Reade has 96 convenient locations in Williamsburg. Mikey knows that having just one store is the best way to have a great store.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. Do you like the person you’re getting the gift for? If so, we’d recommend a Mikey’s gift card in the denomination of your choice.
If not, pick up a Duane Reade gift card from the authorized Duane Reade human kiosk sales outpost in your building’s stairwell or pull the DR rope in your apartment and a representative will knock on your door shortly.

If you REALLY want to do something personal, next week we’ll have a few (non Duane Reade) local shop recommendations of places we love with cool and unique gifts. Until then, put another few Duane Reade brand logs on the fire, and remember, Duane Reade!

*see Oliver Twist, p. 314, last paragraph (it’s a metaphor, you have to read between the lines, right after the Duane Reade part)

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Whoa, did you hear about Mikey and DUMBO? They totally broke up, it was, like, so unexpected.

I know, I know. We all thought they’d stay together forever. It seems sudden but I guess they have been on the outs for a while now. I mean, he’s been with Williamsburg forever now, and everyone knew it, but I guess DUMBO never figured it out. So I guess the driving back and forth and alibis and whatnot were too much and he couldn’t handle the stress of a double life anymore. You know what’s stone-cold though? He totally moved out all his stuff in the dead of night while she was asleep and when she woke up, there was nothing but this letter:

MIKEY’S HOOK-UP BACK TO WILLIAMSBURG!
Why the Sudden Move?

I opened a Mikey’s Hook-up in DUMBO because after 7 years of running my store in Williamsburg, I wanted to build on what I had created there. The opportunity to design a new store, in a raw space, for a neighborhood that would benefit from what the Hook-Up offers was too good to pass up. The store was a great idea, and the DUMBO customers have been very supportive.

Recently I turned down an acquisition offer from a major corporate chain. That decision sparked a desire for me to reevaluate the reasons why I started selling cables on a blanket on Bedford Ave back in the day.

I realized that I would rather have one unique store than try to clone the original vibe of the Hook-Up. There is an underlying pressure as a business to constantly expand when things are going well but the question arises to what end? What is the measure of business success? For me, it is loving what I do for a living.

Mikey’s Hook-Up is moving back to Williamsburg because I decided sticking to my roots is better for my soul. If you miss us, we are only 15 minutes away Thanks again for a great couple of years!

Mikey

P.S.
It’s not you. It’s me. I hope we can still be friends.

[end letter]

So harsh, right? That whole thing about how he made them dress kind of the same, it was totally creepy to everyone. But then that part at the end where he was like, you can still visit, let’s be friends…total player. Anyway, we all knew all along that Mikey was in love with Williamsburg, that DUMBO was always going to be the other woman, and, yeah, everyone’s sad right now, but in the end, everyone’s going to be happier. You gotta follow your heart, man. DUMBO will be fine. And Mikey can finally really focus on Williamsburg the way she deserves. You should go see them–so happy together.

Making decisions is pretty tough, especially for audiophiles. Say you’re at The Stereo Exchange in Manhattan, and you happen upon a sweet, once-in-a-lifetime deal on some premium XLR cables:

Now, everyone loves carbon fiber and weird bulges. We really want these cables, even at the price. But we here at the Hookup are big advocates of deferring to the experts, so to help us decide whether or not these cables are a savvy purchase, we consulted with professional shopper Chris Jakubowski. Chris is best known as the former personal shopper of celeb Sarah Jessica Parker, and many consider him to have invented the phrase, “you GO, girl!”

“Like, OMG,” Chris exclaimed upon seeing the photo from our tipster, “those cables! That price! Yucky! Didn’t you know you can get 2 perfectly adequate XLR cables for just $13 each at Mikey’s Hookup?! And then you have so much extra money for really fabulous purchases!” We asked Jakubowski what some great purchases would be. We naturally first thought of a set of Dayton Rims and a couple more gold teeth in our grill, but Jakubowski suggested we troll eBay for some even sweeter deals. We found a few.

So, as it turns out, after buying a pair of XLR cables at Mikey’s, with the difference we could still afford all of the following:

1. A vintage Vespa, with sidecar, for $2500
2. An medieval armo(u)r suit, for $2241
3. A G3 iMac, for $155
4. A pretty “legit” “gangsta ice chain” for $44
5. A Hobart deli slicer, $1200
6. A hot/cold buffet serving range, for $650
7. An ice cream bar vending machine, for $1199
8. An iPod Nano custom engraved to read “Insane Clown Posse Juggalo 4 Lyfe”, $150
9. Night vision goggles, $580
10. A snowmobile, for $1100
And still have enough for a Peter Luger burger, with trimmings, $14.

Oh, snip! You had us from “deli slicer” (Jakubowski repeatedly informed us that “Jerry MacGuire” is his favorite film). So, clearly, the choice is yours. You can pay way too much elsewhere for cables of dubious benefit, or come to Mikey’s and save some money for the other things you love.

I know what you’re thinking: “How can these clowns,” you think to yourself, “declare the coveted Mikey’s Hookup Customer of the Year award recipient so early into the year? You haven’t even seen my Phil Schiller costume!” Well, we hired some professionally-trained method actors to re-enact the events that compelled us to make the bold declaration. I think you’ll agree that this guy rules, despite being “totes aggro,” in the words of Hookup staffer Chris.

Consider the bar officially raised.

P.S. The real guy didn’t laugh at the end.

We tried to do a really comprehensive, in-depth iPad review, but…well, no more Mountain Dew at work. Mini P.K. Ripper by Flick Trix.

“Hey, Hookup,” people always ask us, “how do you remember so much Mac stuff?” The answer is simple. This proprietary confection created in Apple’s secret labs but manufactured in Hawaii boosts Apple product knowledge by 300% per piece. Steve Jobs pops one before every keynote.

Sheesh, this weekend has been zany as can be. It could take forever to process all the datum, so I’ll give you 10 essentials, expressed numerically:

1. Number of blocks of ice containing video game trial versions smashed by Hookup staffers during the weekend: 2 (Lost Planet 2, in case you’re curious)
2. Number of video game trial versions in a PS3 version package containing XBox-only download codes: 1

3. Percentage of total customers that have asked one of our opinions of the iPad and then proceeded to argue with it: ~40%

4. Number of boxes of Entemann’s donuts purchased and consumed: 3

5. Number of hookup staffers who have claimed the title of “Harbor Master:” 2

6. Number of Brooklyn residents who connected their TV’s to their Macs: 3,200 (figure is approximate)
7. Percentage of askers who have not believed us that there is no such thing as a FireWire to USB converter dongle: 100%

8. Number of oatmeal cookies received with returns as stipulated by receipt: 0
9. Number of “customers” just coming to Hookup DUMBO to check facebook on display computers: 114

10. Number of people whom have mistaken Mikey for Seth Green: 2

Brooklyn, NY, USA — Today an uncertain ending to a love triangle decades in the making unfolded in front of Mikey’s Hookup, a Brooklyn electronics retailer. The key players, pop songbird Lady Gaga and Sherpa/respected paranormal researcher Nawang Tashi have converged on this spot after tracing a mysterious presence since 1984. Both, unbeknownst to the other, believed themselves to be on the trail of a fearsome, mythical yeti. Tashi’s reasons for pursuing the purported beast were scientific but with a splash of vengeance–the beast consumed his entire family and their prized alpaca in the dead of the night. Gaga’s reasons for the pursuit were purely carnal. She wanted a kiss from a yeti. And who can blame her? The kiss of the yeti is said to bring wealth and luck to it’s recipient, along with imprinting the brain with a map to some leprechaun gold. “I’m totes gonna get that smooch, holla’!!” wrote Gaga in a recent diary entry (livejournal.com, post since removed).

Both had been following the trail of the beast via his copious droppings, and also asking around. Mostly the droppings, though. When the creature finished an intense game of Street Fighter II at Mikey’s Hookup (playing as Blanka, claim employees of the store), he stepped outside to find an ambush. Gaga stood there waiting with a choice yak steak and a comely smile, looking radiant in the lastest fashion from noted designer Christopher Jakubowski. The creature, at first intrigued, sniffed the air and then paused for a moment. “OH, HUZZAH!” came a cry from behind a fence, “AT LAST! I shall slay the foul beast and avenge my family, also SCIENCE!!” as Tashi menacingly waved a fearsome battle-ax. The yeti took off at a ferocious pace, disappearing into the snowy evening.

Nearly a week later, the whereabouts of the yeti are unknown, as are those of Gaga. She was last seen at a Talbot’s in Minneapolis signing the credit card receipt for the matronly clothing, “true love has changed me.” Chris Jakubowski could not be reached at press time for comment, his voicemail claiming he was “out being fabulous.”