Just when you think life is all fun ‘n’ games, something serious has to come along and sober you up. For example, local business owner Mikey Weiss noticed a sharp pain in the front of his shoulder when making full forehand slams (“hot swipes” in the parlance of the sport) in table tennis matches. This was quite troublesome for Mikey, who enjoys nothing more than the tears/supplications of a brutally savaged ping-pong opponent. After taking a few days off from distributing red-assed table tennis beatdowns, Mikey decided to consult a physician about the injury.

Sure enough, modern medicine deemed the injury to be analogous to tennis shoulder (and not “scaled-down,” either, as the uncouth might surmise). But that wasn’t all. X-rays revealed an even more complex facet to the pain Weiss experienced, as revealed by the leaked secret photo below:

Yes. Mikey Weiss is a cyborg. Everyone that Mikey has slaughtered at ping-pong can feel at least a shred of their dignity restored, as his forehand is literally not humanly possible. He had a few upgrades and maintenance performed (8GB SD card, fresh Half-AA battery (the very same 3.6 volt variety as used in the PRAM of G5 and prior Power Macs), and we even used a little canned air on the terminals of his molex cable), and as soon as the sutures heal, he should be better than ever. No word yet on whether or not this will render him a soulless killing machine, but we’re just assuming that it will. You just gotta accept it, because you can’t outrun a machine.